


Fated to be Hated

by Satanic_Vantass



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Enemies to Friends, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Lots of fluff at the end, M/M, Oneshot, also lots of screaming, and sassy rose, because skype is for cool kids, code name: derek, dave is v awkward, enemies to lovers?, groupchat stuff, idk - Freeform, karkat is v dense, like them, some cuddling while playing inquisition, they use skype, whoopsie daisies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 01:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8948878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Satanic_Vantass/pseuds/Satanic_Vantass
Summary: In which Dave goes by the name 'Derek' online, becomes best friends with Karkat, all while IRL Karkat fucking hates Dave, not realizing Dave and Derek are one in the same.





	

Was it really necessary to get into an argument with his teacher? No, it was very easily avoidable. But did Karkat Vantas get into an argument with his teacher? You bet your sweet ass he did. It was just another day, until his teacher decided to start being a little unreasonable bitch. He had turned his assignment in the day it was required. The absence policy this teacher spoke of at the beginning of the year that HE MARKED DOWN IN HIS BINDER, clearly stated: _One day plus the number of days absent to make up work._ He finished the work in one day, he was only absent one day because of stupid family issues. He had one day left, and he didn’t need that extra day. He turned it in, the teacher said it’d be a late grade. And boy, was he ready to argue. It went from small bickering of “I was _absent_.” to “Why don’t you go shove your grading pen so far up your god damned bony ass you puke your fucking SHIT for MONTHS on END. And to add, why don’t you fucking lay off the god damned laxatives considering all the fucking SHIT YOU’RE ALREADY SPEWING? Jeez, you don’t even need my help releasing all your damn shit.”

Of course, he was instantly pushed out the fucking door and yelled at to wait there. Next thing he knew, his teacher was barking on the phone and he was being escorted to the Principal’s office by his councilor. She was cursing under her breath and scolding Karkat above it. The woman in question was Ms. Dorabelle Maryam. Her daughter was his best friend, (well, in real life that is) so she had grown accustomed to his antics. Antics being his occasional outbursts and common fits of anger. She was practically a second mother to him. The first mother being Kanaya. She’d never let him say otherwise. She pointed him to a seat, sighing heavily and massaging her temples. He groaned, sitting down next to the person already seated. This was the moment he met Dave Strider. Ms. Maryam had approached her desk and..oh god she was calling his dad, he could hear him from where he sat. ‘ _Your son, Wh- obviously Karkat, Kankri has never given us issues. Anyways, Karkat cursed out the teacher, blamed laxatives for why she was ‘spewing shit’, telling her to go stick her grading pen up her ass’_ So on and so forth. He slinked back in the seat as the situation was laid out. He wasn’t going to apologize, hell no. He was being pretty fucking honest because the teacher was being a pretty fucking huge bitch. He huffed, crossing his arms and tapping his feet. He could hear the anger slip into his father’s voice.

  
“Wow. I’ve actually never heard her pissed before. Good on you, huh?” came the voice next to him. He raised a brow. Why was he actually being spoken to? He turned his head to look over Dave. Blonde, pasty, freckled, sun glasses. Looked like a fuck boy.

“Oh fuck off you pasty ass off-brand stale piece of white bread.” The blonde next to him raised a brow, slightly seething.

“Aren’t you touchy?” the guy smirked, leaning back comfortably. He didn’t even want to give this guy the pleasure of even making eye contact. “Aww, seems you are. No time for little old me, huh, _Karkachu_ ?” He felt himself snap. He _hated_ nicknames with a passion. He saw Ms. Maryam drop her phone all too late, trying to warn him with a failed, _‘Dave, no-!’_ But one second, Karkat had been sitting next to Dave, impatiently tapping his foot, the next second they were on the floor, Karkat trying to strangle the Strider. _He was not in the mood._

 

* * *

 

This little meeting happened a mere few months ago, about three or so. Karkat had received a one month suspension, Dave one week. On Karkat’s first week back, he was faced with having his new aquatic science class (after the teacher begged to have him out) with none other than the Strider he tried to kill a mere month ago. The whole week, he was pissed, constantly being annoyed by the Strider, be it having paper balls thrown at him, randomly having his desk kicked, being asked the stupidest of questions, you fucking name it. It was awful. The three months he had to deal with this idiocy, he hated it.

Now, here we are in the present, Karkat Vantas, keyboard slamming to his skype group chat that consisted of Kanaya, her girlfriend, and her girlfriends brother. Of course, every word he typed seemed like he was yelling, mostly because the caps lock key was broken after him slamming it down so many times. Now it was permanently caps unless he held down shift. He really needed to replace his damn keyboard.

 

CG: KANAYA YOU WON’T FUCKING BELIEVE WHAT THAT PIECE OF SHIT DAVE DID THIS FUCKING TIME.

GA: Oh Dear, This Should Be Interesting.

Oh Ms. Kanaya Maryam, typing like that so Karkat wouldn’t feel as bad. She claimed her keyboard and computer had trouble registering with each other so it capitalized the first letter, but he knew she was being nice. He really appreciated it.

 

TG: oh shit is it time to complain

TG: dont start yet let me get rose

TG: okay you can start now

TT: Yes, do share.

CG: OH FUCK OFF ALL OF YOU.

CG: ANY FUCKING WAY, GOD OKAY

CG: BASICALLY IT ALL STARTED IN OUR FUCKING AQUATIC SCIENCE CLAS.

CG: BECAUSE AS YOU ALL KNOW WE UNFORTUNATELY SHARE THAT FUCKING CLASS TOGETHER

CG: IT DISGUSTS ME TO EVEN ****THINK**** ABOUT IT.

CG: SO WE HAVE A FUCKING ASSIGNMENT ON WHATEVER THE SHITTY ASS TEACHER DECIDES ON, SO I WAS GIVEN THE FUCKING GREAT BARRIER REEF

CG: WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE TWO CITED SOURCES FROM BOOKS AND TWO FROM WEBSITES, SO SINCE WE WERE SPENDING THE DAMN CLASS PERIOD IN THE FUCKKING LIBRARY

CG: I GET OFF MY ASS TO GO THROUGH THE LIBRARY TO GET MY BOOKS FIRST

CG: AND DEREK DON’T FUCKING MAKE ANY SHORT JOKES-BUT I WAS TOO SHORT TO GET THE FUCKING BOOK I NEEDED

TG: you give me prime short joke opportunities yet youre already telling me to shut up before i have the chance to even lay it on you

TG: atleast give a guy a chance

CG: FUCK YOU DEREK.

CG: ANYWAYS, FUCKING DAVE CAME UP BEHIND ME, TOOK THE FUCKING BOOK I NEEDED AND STARTED WAVING IT AROUND AS HE KEPT CALLING ME STUPID ASS FUCKING NICKNAMES LIKE ‘KARKLES’ AND ‘KARKACHU’ AND I FUCKING THINK HIS FAVORITE FUCKING NICKNAME FOR ME

CG: OF ALL THE POSSIBLE FUCKING NICKNAMES THAT SHITBLASTER COULD HAVE COME UP WITH

CG: _IT’S FUCKING_ _KITKAT._

TG: oh my god

TG: let me guess

TG: one of the fucking short jokes was

TG: ‘hows the weather down there’

CG: E-FUCKING-XACTLY.

CG: THAT BASTARD HAD THE FUCKING NERVE TO SAY THAT

CG: AND WHEN I TOLD HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP

CG: HE FUCKING SAID

CG: ‘YOU KNOW I WONDER WHY YOU ALWAYS SEEM SO OPPRESSED, THEN I REALIZED YOU KEEP GETTING OVERLOOKED.’

CG: SO I FUCKING ELBOWED HIM IN THE GUT AND GRABBED THE BOOK WHILE HE WAS CLUTCHING HIS FUCKING STOMACH IN PAIN AND LAUGHTER

CG: THAT FUCKING BITCH

CG: I’M SO TIRED OF HIS SHIT.

GA: Karkat Perhaps You Should Invest In Ways To Ease The Tensions Between You Two.

GA: It Really Seems As Though Your Annoyance Only Motivates Him to Continue These Antics.

TT: I honestly agree, seeing as how it only seems to continue the more you attempt to fight back.

TT: It’s all a hopeless endeavor, Karkat. This is just fueling his raging boner of teasing you.

CG: PLEASE DON’T ALLUDE THAT HIS PENIS GETS AS ERECT AS THE STATUE OF FUCKING LIBERTY AT THE MERE THOUGHT OF ME TELLING HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP BECAUSE HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO KEEP HIS GOD DAMNED HANDS TO HIMSELF.

TG: hey who knows

TG: some people get off to that shit

TG: see it as the hottest shit round the fucking block

TG: like whaddup this cute dude is bitching

TG: time to make him bitch more

TG: watch him get all riled up cuz im a huge bitch

TG: bitches love that shit

 

_**tentacleTherapist** **has renamed the group chat to ‘** **Derek has no self control and is now as ‘Erect as the Statue of Fucking Liberty’’** _

 

CG: OH FUCK YOU ROSE.

TG: ahaha oh my god

TG: pretty fucking accurate

 

_**carcinoGeneticist** **has renamed the group chat to** **‘ROSE GO FUCK YOURSELF’** _

 

GA: Karkat Don't Be Rude.

 

_**grimAuxiliatrix** **has renamed the group chat to** **‘Everyone Is Lovely Despite Their Apparent Erectile Issues Or Problems With ‘Fucking Themselves’’** _

 

CG: FUCK YOU TOO, KANAYA

CG: I’M FUCKING OFF FOR THE GOD DAMNED NIGHT

CG: PROBABLY GOING TO PLAY DRAGON AGE AND SCREAM AT THE HINTERLANDS AGAIN

CG: FUCK YOU DEREK, FUCK YOU ROSE, FUCK YOU KANAYA, I’M TURNING OFF MY GOD DAMNED NOTIFICATIONS

CG: GOOD FUCKING NIGHT.

 

He turned off notifications for the group chat, then completely closed Skype. He leaned back in his chair, opening Dragon Age and started up his game. Time to fucking get lost in the god damned Hinterlands once a-fucking-gain.

 

* * *

 

There was one note on his desk. He ignored it. Another. And another. And another. He ignored them as much as he could, but the notes soon began to pile up. When there was at least..one two..three four five...fifteen notes on his god damned desk, he took them all into his arms, making his way to the trash can and letting each and every note fall in. When he made it back to his desk, it was pure silence for a few minutes, until he felt a poke at his side. Then another one. Then another one. His body was flinching, and he was holding back every single sound that would have possibly come out of him. He was soon pulled back. Literally. The Strider who sat next to him literally grabbed his desk from behind and dragged it so it was next to him.  He turned his head, looking straight to Dave, clearly unamused.

“Put my fucking desk back before I fucking jump you, Strider.” Dave remained as expressionless ever, scooting Karkat back one more inch. Oh my god..Of course he fucking jumped him. He pounced like a cat, the desks clattering as he threw himself onto Dave, already trying to scratch the man’s eyes out, _if_ he can get the shades out of the fucking way.  

“Hey hey, no need to jump my bones in the middle of class-HEY, watch the claws dude, I know you might like it rough but I sure as hell don’t.”  Karkat had to be pried off him. Both of them were given one week of ISS. So basically. A quiet room, trapped with other problem kids. And Dave. _And Dave_. He had been sent home for the rest of the day. His brother, as always having the two off periods at the end of the day came home rather annoyed.

“Karkat, Ms. Maryam has informed me of your little incident with Mr. Strider and I have taken the responsibility to invite him over so you two may perform some ‘get along activities’ I shall construct. Give me a few minutes to prepare. Meanwhile, be a good host and take care of our guest would you? Offer him a drink.”

 _Holy hell did he want to snap off Kankri’s neck right about now._ He spat a few messages to the group chat, seeing the notifications already dinging.

 

TG: this fucking guy i just met is trying to force someone to like me

TG: like

TG: what the fuck

 

Huh. What a coincidence.

 

CG: WHO THE FUCK IS IT?

TG: lets just refer to him as mr. cranky

CG: WHATEVER, MY FUCKING BROTHER BROUGHT DAVE OVER APPARENTLY, AND NOW HE WANTS US TO PERFORM ‘GET ALONG ACTIVITIES’ I SWEAR TO GOD I’M GOING TO FUCKING SNAP HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF.

TG: oh my fucking god

GA: Oh Dear.

TT: :)

CG: I’LL BE BACK TO BITCH LATER.

 

And so he turned off his computer, groaning as he headed downstairs. Fucking, lovely.

 

In the eyes of another, more like, the tinted vision of another, Dave Strider stood at the doorway of the Vantas household as Kankri just...straight up left him. And again, Karkat is being a fucking oblivious dunce. He left that tab, going to the other chat with _just_ Rose, Kanaya, and him.

 

TG: oooooh my fucking god

TG: i cant believe hes so fucking dense

GA: You Get Used To It.

TT: Yes, _Derek_ , get used to it.

TT: Speaking of getting used to, Kanaya dear you don’t have to stick to that style of typing. Karkat isn’t around.

GA: Its Become A Habit I Adjusted To. It’s Quite Nice. Really.

TT: I noticed. Dave, how much longer is there left in your plan until you let him know?

TG: idfk

TG: i keep forgetting to really

TG: i should probably do that soon

TG: or not

TG: probably not

TG: this shit is way too fun

TG: shit karkats stomping his ass down

TG: ill be back later lmao

 

And so Karkat Vantas made his way down, glaring to Dave as he stopped, seeing the pointlessly tall dickwad in his doorway. Dave had..stood at what looks to be nearly six feet. Maybe. Give or take really. He glared up, even when he was a mere few feet away he had to look up. The Mexican stood at a mere five four, tan skin, freckled face, curly ass hair. God damn it. This pissed him off.

“Karkat, I don’t hear any hosting!” he heard his brother call. He flinched, exhaling through his nose as he glared at the direction his brother, cursing him under his breath as he snapped his head back to Dave.

“Get your ass in before I drag it in.” he spat, turning around as made his way inside. He cursed, making his way into the kitchen. He opened the fridge, peering in. “What the fuck do you want, Dave?” The Strider made his way in, standing off by the hallway and not yet answering. “Dave I swear to god, fucking ANSWER.” he barked, getting ready to slam the door shut.

“Uh, maybe some AJ later but for now, where the fuck is your bathroom?” he asked, looking back to Karkat, partially leaning on the wall and looking the shorty over. Damn. He’s cute when he’s pissy. Karkat groaned, grabbing the bottle of apple juice and slamming the door shut.

“Down the hall, second on your left.” he instructed. Dave nodded, making his way to the bathroom. Karkat grabbed a cup from the drawer, pouring in some apple juice. He put the container back and brought the cup to the coffee table and plopped his ass onto the couch. Then his phone started vibrating.

 

TG: hey

TG: you okay?

TG: i got worried

 

He felt a blush dust his cheeks, a small smile on his lips. How sweet.

 

TG: karkitten?

TG: you busy?

 

Ugh...he’s so lucky he actually lets this bitch call him nicknames. Literally the only person he lets call him shitty nicknames. Fucking _Derek._

 

CG: I’M… I COULD BE BETTER.

CG: Wait, I’m not on my computer. I don’t have to suffer the infuriating hell of constant all caps

CG: Thank fucking god.

TG: pff

TG: nice to see you too

TG: wanna let it all loose?

CG: Ugh.

CG: Dave fucking irritates me

CG: He pisses me off to the point I would literally be completely fine with someone putting a bullet to my god damned brain whenever he spews his shit to me

CG: Like he never shuts the fuck up

CG: I feel like

CG: If we had a better first meeting

CG: I…

CG: Honestly think we could have been friends?

CG: Like

CG: I feel like shit for being so pissed at him

CG: But seeing his stupid face

CG: I get so riled up

CG: And I want to fucking smack him

CG: I don’t know.

TG: nah i get you

TG: i get that issue all the time

TG: youre not alone here

TG: its okay to feel that kinda shit yknow

TG: like

TG: im pretty sure if my bro wasnt a complete fuckwad

TG: i would have probably gotten along with him

TG: but nope

TG: had to be snatched up on an emergency rescue mission by the fucking lalonde half of our god damned family

TG: but like

TG: im glad

TG: its gotten me where i am now

TG: because if it didnt happen

TG: i probably wouldnt have met you

TG: and that shit is like

TG: one of the best things thats happened to me

TG: oh my god

TG: thats some cheesy ass shit

TG: pretend i never said that

TG: this is embarrassing

TG: um

TG: anyways

TG: hows the weather down there short stuff

CG: Oh my fucking god you dork.

CG: And you may be allowed to fucking give me shitty nicknames, but you’re not allowed to make short jokes.

CG: I just

CG: I really want to meet you.

CG: You can’t be half as bad as him when face to face.

TG: oh you dont know the half of it

TG: youre the half of it

TG: because youre short

TG: get it

CG: Fuck you.

TG: when and where vantas

CG: Oh my god. I’ll message you later.

CG: Thank you, Derek

CG: It really means a lot.

CG: <3

TG: <3

 

As soon as he heard the bathroom door open, he put his phone into his pocket. Dave came in, rolling up the sleeves of his jacket.

“Oh, apple juice, sick. I feel like a fucking king.” he scoffed, taking the glass, downing it in one gulp and then plopping his ass down _right next to Karkat._ He didn’t even bother to hide it when he draped his arm around his fucking shoulder. His entire body immediately tensed, trying to get away from him without moving from his spot.

“What are you doing?” Karkat immediately growled.

“Gettin’ comfy. Where’s Kranki?” Dave simply responded. Karkat almost started to hiss, soon looking to the hallway. Brother please come soon. _Please._

“I frankly don’t fucking know, but will you PLEASE remove yourself from my person?” he requested as politely as possible. Don’t fucking test him Strider.

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

 _OBVIOUSLY_ Dave had to test him. “Hmm..nah.” was all he sad, further leaning onto the smaller male. He inhaled, immediately pushing Dave off him with all his leg strength. Yes he literally maneuvered in the couch so his legs were repeatedly kicking Dave in the side.

“KANKRI HURRY THE FUCK UP WITH WHATEVER YOU’RE PLANNING!”

“UGH, fine fine! It’ll be half done and sloppy but whatever you say, dear little brother!” he could tell the last part had some sarcasm laced in. To think his brother was actually capable of sarcasm. Hm.

The second Kankri came in with a sweater, paper, and crayons, he wanted to scream. _Oh God.._ No no, he started having flashbacks to when his dad made the sweater. That horrid..disgusting..piece of cloth... _The Get Along Sweater…_

“Kankri, what the FUCK, I THOUGHT I BURNED THAT SWEATER??” Karkat burst out, stopping the kicking and-yup Dave fell back on him.

“What? Far from it. You just burnt _one_ of them. Father has ten others in storage alone. I know he’s hiding more but I can’t place where. Anyways, you two, stop fraternizing and put this sweater on.” Kankri said, gesturing to the two, to stand to attention, holding out the sweater. He wanted to run. He wanted to hide. Not that fucking sweater jesus fuck not that-Dave grabbed him by the arm, standing to his feet and dragging Karkat off the couch.

“Here, hold this.” he said, handing Kankri Karkat’s arm in exchange for the sweater. _That bastard..._ Dave took off his jacket, putting on the sweater and sticking one arm out. “Alright, get on in Kitkat we don’t have all day.” Dave said, reaching down with his free arm pulling Karkat in. This was hell. Karkat started struggling and whining as he was forced inside. Next thing he knew, one of his arms was stuck out of the arm hole and...Dave’s one free arm..the arm inside the sweater, was fucking wrapped around his god damned shoulder.

Set him free.

Just _set him free._

“Kankri you better hurry the fuck up with this I swear to god you KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS SWEATER.”

“Karkat, please calm down.” Kankri started, raising a hand and gently patting Karkat’s head, then taking the hand back and rubbing it on the back of his own sweater. Why bother when he’d do that anyways, geez. “I know the sweater might be somewhat triggering to you, but please cope with it for now, as this is very important to improve the relations between you and Mr. Strider.” He sighed, looking the two over carefully then nodding. “Right, since Karkat didn’t give me enough time to find the bandana, Mr. Strider please put your hand over Karkat’s eyes.”

The hand was slapped on almost instantly, pushing Karkat back a tad. “Wait-what? Hell no, you better not be going where I think you’re going with this.

“I want you two to work together, Karkat as the legs and Mr-Can I just call you Dave?” Kankri paused mid instruction.

“No, it’s my trigger. My father was named Dave and he died after doing a sick pirouette off his board into a shark’s mouth. Just hearing my first name makes me want to tear up. Please stick to Mr. Strider.”

“Jesus SHIT DAVE YOU’RE SO FULL OF BULL-!”

“Karkat, please, I’m really sensitive.”

“Yes, Karkat, please understand and respect Mr. Strider’s situation. If I hear you call him by his first name, I will personally deal with you after he has left.” AKA a fifteen hour lecture. He didn’t want that hell no. “Anyways, Karkat will be the legs and _Mr. Strider_ will be the eyes. I want you both to navigate to the back door. Karkat’s personal safety is on the line, and if Karkat is wounded, because you are together, you will be wounded as well Mr. Strider. Now, begin.”

Karkat released a string of curses, not even close to under his breath, he was practically shouting them. His vision was..black-ish, redd-ish due to being covered by Dave’s hand and he had no idea where he was going.

“Go straight...and..take a left...and another left..” he groaned miserably, following the instructions mindlessly as-DAVE FUCKING RAN HIM INTO A WALL.

“Da- _MR. STRIDER_ , please tell me why I JUST RAMMED FACE FIRST, INTO A FUCKING WALL.” He asked, not daring to move from his position of nigh wall kissing.

“My bad, I meant my left.”

“IT’S THE SAME LEFT.”

“Or is it? Anyways, go right.” Right, back to following these shitty ass instructions. He cursed as he walked,  feeling Kankri’s gaze bury into their backs. Geez that was unsettling. “And then some straight, hey hey, wait, left right now right fucking now.” he groaned, making his way to the left and...well he didn’t bump into anything but-wait why was Dave’s other hand over his eyes now? What happened to the one that was in the sleeve? Why was there plastic noises happening?

“Mr. Strider what in the ever loving fuck are you doing?”

“Oh, y’all got the kick ass sugar cookies from WalMart. You know the ones with the frosting. Had to get one. Anyways um, go right then straight.” This mother fucker.. He kept on with the instructions, jeez he could hear Dave’s chewing from here. Gross. And..walking walking-right into glass. Okay, well, found the fucking door.

“Open it, Strider.”

“Hell naw, You’re the one with the free hand.” his mouth was full. God he had no tact. Karkat hissed, raising his hand and nearly groping the god damned door until he found the fucking Handle, slowly opening it and stepping back.

“Look Kanks, we fucking did it, now are we done?” he asked, Dave removing his hand from Karkat’s eyes. Jeez he was blinded for a second there. AAAAAAnd the arm was back around his shoulder. Goody.

“After some struggle you two did manage, yes. But that was just the first thing. Get back into the kitchen, do not remove the sweater and seat yourself at the dining table.” he instructed. The two made their way there, pulling back some chairs and seating themselves...regrettably close to each other. Kankri sat across from them, sliding two pieces of paper and a single box of crayons. He sat up straight, twiddling his thumbs and looking to the two with a smile.

“Please proceed to draw your feelings towards each other.” Oh. _That_ he could do. Karkat grabbed the box of crayons and poured them out instantly, taking the red one and already scribbling all over his paper, which-needless to say- was hard with one hand. He drew a stick figure to start off, then made an arrow pointing to it that simply said ‘DAVE’, which was soon scribbled out once he felt Kankri’s glare and was replaced with ‘MR. STRIDER’. Dave wasn’t doing anything, just watching Karkat draw. That is, until he grabbed Karkat’s drawing hand.

“Okay, for one thing I don’t look like that, I look more like..”

“HEY HEY, BUTT THE FUCK OUT, THIS IS MY ART, NOT YOURS. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PAPER SCRIBBLE YOUR WORTHLESS SHIT ON THAT.”

“No no, I got this just give me the crayon it’s-wow holy shit I have a huge dick. Didn’t know you saw me in that light. I think my heart just fluttered.”

“WAIT WHAT, NO NO NO, I DIDN’T DRAW THE DICK YOU DID!”

“Oh believe me I didn’t, oh look, another dick, hey it’s you. And you have a little baby dick how cute. Oh my god are we raising a family of dicks? Kitkat, let’s get married and raise a family of dicks together.”

“OVER MY FUCKING DEAD BO-!”

“ENOUGH YOU TWO!” Kankri barked. Kankri stood from his place at the table, taking the two papers-even though only one was drawn on- and proceeded to rip it apart.

“Shit man, we worked hard on that. _Together._ ” Dave whimpered, quickly hugging Karkat. Oh my g o d   _f r e e  h i m_. Kankri glared at him and sighed.

“You two do as you please. Karkat, when Mr. Strider is gone, be sure I’ll have a _chat_ , ready and waiting for you.” God fucking damn it. “Good day, Mr. Strider.” Kankri huffed, turning on his heel and making his way to his room. As soon as the door was closed, Karkat crawled out of the sweater with an annoyed huff.

“I fucking _hate_ you.”

“Love you too, sweetie.”

“Don’t fucking call me that.”

“Oh come on, we’ve been through so much today, we’re practically married.” Karkat didn’t even bother responding, just throwing his hands about in frustration then stomping off to hide in the bathroom.

 

CG: I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM.

CG: JESUS ****FUCK**** I HATE HIM SO MUCH.

TG: whoa there

TG: take a second

TG: calm your breathing

TG: is it dave again

CG: WHEN IS IT FUCKING NOT?!

CG: BECAUSE OF HIS ANNOYING ASS I’M GOING TO GET FUCKING LECTURED BY KANKRI, SO NOW I ACTUALLY DON’T WANT HIM TO LEAVE, DESPITE THE FACT HIM LEAVING WOULD BE A GOD DAMNED BLESSING.

TG: well hey

TG: if thats the case

TG: why not take this as a chance to like

TG: i dunno

TG: get to know him

TG: you said you would probably be friends with him if you met differently

TG: so

TG: why not try to restart

CG: …

CG: Do you really think so?

TG: its just my thoughts on the matter but its ultimately your choice

CG: …

CG: …

CG: …

TG: …?

CG: Fine.

CG: I’ll be back.

TG: good luck

CG: Thanks.

TG: <3

CG: <3

He sucked up his pride, standing up from his little hiding spot (The bathtub. Yes really.) in the bathroom and making his way out. He heard the front door open, soon picking up his pace and, shit Dave was halfway out the door. “Wait, NO!” Karkat called, grabbing Dave by the back of his shirt. The Strider stopped, turning to look down to the blushing shorty.

“Sup?” was all he said, leaning on the door frame. Karkat released his shirt, completely losing his train of thought. His face was red and his hands were twiddling as he tried to find his words, looking everywhere _but_ the Strider before him.

“Uh..jesus-can-fuck-oh my god..” he mumbled, pacing around slightly as he tried to piece the sentence together. Dave scoffed, closing the front door and leaning on that instead.

“Take your time, Kitkat. I got plenty of it.”

“Can we uh-fucking..oh my god why is this so hard…” he hissed as he quickly stopped, standing directly in front of Dave, looking him straight in the..well..hopeful eyes. “Can..we..restart?” He felt the locking of eye contact. He could _feel_ it. He felt a wave of shame wash over him oh god this is terrible. Dave raised his hand, _ruffling_ Karkat’s hair. Oh my god. You can’t be serious.

“Yeah sure whatever, Kitkat. I guess now I have to re-marry you.” _Oh my god._ That’s when the bastard had leaned down. Normally, when this would happen his reaction would be to claw his eyes out, but _his damn shades were in the way._ He didn’t stop leaning down, and Karkat was about to take a cautious step back, when he felt a small pressure on his cheek. OH GOD DID THIS BASTARD JUST KISS HIS FUCKING CHEEK? He instantly pushed away Dave, who was snorting with laughter.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

“I’ll get the best ring and propose to you in ISS tomorrow, in front of fucking everyone. Love you, Kitkat!” Dave said jokingly, opening the door and was instantly pushed out by Karkat. Karkat slammed the door shut, already seething with rage as he stomped to his bedroom.

“Karkat, is he gone? Let’s begin our ch-”

“KANKRI IF YOU EVEN DARE SPEAK ANOTHER WORD TO ME I WILL PERSONALLY RIP YOUR DICK OFF AND SHOVE IT THROUGH YOUR EYE SOCKETS.”

Silence. Yes...Silence...that is what he needed. The silence calmed him. Then he slammed his fucking bedroom door shut and quickly turned on his computer. As he waited for his computer to turn on, he grabbed his pillow, falling onto his bed and proceeding to SCREAM INTO IT. Sure the muffled scream helped him relax a tad but he needed some good old keyboard slamming. Ah, it was on. He sat down quickly typed in his password and waited for Skype to open. He impatiently leaned over his desk, furiously drumming his fingers. Okay there we go. He instantly opened up the groupchat, starting off this mess.

 

CG: I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, I DON’T THINK I’VE EVER BEEN THIS FUCKING PISSED.

TG: pretty sure you have

GA: Derek Don't Provoke him.

GA: Karkat Feel Free To Speak Your Piece.

CG: FUCKING THANK YOU KANAYA.

CG: ANYWAYS

CG: APPARENTLY

CG: DAVE AND I ARE MARRIED???

CG: AND I ASKED US TO FUCKING RESTART BECAUSE I GENUINELY WANTED TO BE HIS FRIEND

CG: AND THAT BASTARD

CG: HAD TO FUCKING RUIN IT

CG: BY CALLING ME A SHITTY ASS NICKNAME

CG: RUFFLING MY HAIR

CG: THEN KISSED MY GOD DAMNED _CHEEK_

CG: HE SAID IF WE’RE RESTARTING

CG: HE’S GOING TO FUCKING

CG: PROPOSE TO ME IN ISS TOMORROW

CG: AND FRANKLY I’M TERRIFIED OF WHAT’S TO FUCKING COME.

 

_**tentacleTherapist** **has renamed the group chat to ‘** **Karkat Strider: Dick Rider’** _

 

CG: YOU ARE ****NOT**** HELPING ROSE.

TG: but the important question is

TG: is she wrong?

CG: DON’T YOU DARE QUESTION MY SEXUALITY, I DON’T HAVE TO SAY FUCKING SHIT.

TT: What is your sexuality, if you don’t mind my prodding?

CG: I **LITERALLY** JUST SAID DON’T QUESTION IT.

TT: I am not questioning, I am prodding. Those two are not the same.

GA: Karkat If I Do Remember Correctly.

GA: You Have Spoken To Me On Occasion About A Crush You Refused To Name.

GA: Do You Care To Disclose The Name Now?

TG: oh shit what

TG: yes please do share

CG: FUCK ALL OF YOU.

CG: I AM NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING ABOUT MY FEELINGS TOWARDS ANYONE

CG: ESPECIALLY NOT THE GOD DAMNED ROMANTIC ONES.

GA: Karkat Please Check Your Private Messages.

CG: UGH FINE.

 

He took the time to ram his head into the desk, bonking himself repeatedly. He groaned in annoyance, raising himself up as he switched to his private chat with Kanaya.

 

GA: The One You Have Feelings For Is Derek Correct?

GA: Considering The Interactions You Two Have.

GA: And The Ones You Inform Me Of.

GA: I Can Only Assume That You Have Taken A Liking To Him.

CG: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.

CG: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY ASKING THIS?

GA: Yes.

CG: OH MY GOD.

CG: OF ALL THE FUCKING THINGS YOU COULD POSSIBLY ASK ME, IT’S THIS?

GA: Yes.

CG: OKAY WELL YOU’RE NOT COMPLETELY WRONG.

GA: Care To Elaborate?

CG: FEELINGS ARE WEIRD AND CAN’T BE SO EASILY SUMMED UP AS LIKE OR DISLIKE

CG: LIKE

CG: IF

CG: SAY

CG: HE WERE TO ASK ME OUT

CG: I’D SAY YES IN A HEARTBEAT

CG: BUT THEN

CG: WE LIVE IN THE SAME GOD DAMNED TOWN

CG: YET I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE

CG: THIS COULD ALL BE A FUCKING LIE

CG: AND I COULD JUST BE GETTING CATFISHED

CG: AND IT’S FUCKING WORKING

CG: I WOULD FUCKING LOVE IT IF I HAD THE CHANCE TO MEET HIM

CG: AND JUST

CG: FALL ASLEEP IN HIS ARMS AS HE FUCKING PETS MY HAIR

CG: IT SEEMS LIKE A DREAM REALLY

CG: WAIT THAT’S EMBARRASSING.

CG: KANAYA DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING TELL ANYONE.

GA: Dont Worry Dear.

GA: Its How I Feel With Rose.

GA: And Dear?

GA: Ive Seen Derek Before.

GA: He Is No Catfish.

GA: He Is A Very Real Human.

GA: And I Do Believe The Feelings Are Mutual Between You Two.

CG: WAIT

CG: WHAT?

CG: ARE YOU SERIOUS?

CG: OH

CG: SHIT

CG: UM

CG: FUCK…

CG: SHIT NOW I’M SMILING AND MY FACE HURTS

GA: <3

CG: OH GOD

CG: I HOPE YOU’RE NOT JUST LOOKING TOO DEEP INTO IT

CG: I REALLY WANT THIS TO BE LEGIT

CG: HOLY SHIT.

CG: <3

GA: But Karkat

GA: This Is Just My Advice But

GA: Take Some Time To Get To Know Dave.

GA: You Might Start To Like Him.

GA: Maybe As Much As Derek?

CG: I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THAT.

CG: I TRIED TO RESTART WITH HIM TODAY BUT

CG: THAT BITCH RUINED IT.

GA: Play Along With Him.

GA: It May Be Worth It.

CG: UGHHHH

CG: FINE _MOM._

GA: Thank You Son.

 

* * *

 

The next day he as soon as Karkat dropped his stuff off in ISS, his hand was grabbed and he was spun around. Dave had dropped to his knee holding out….was that a cherry ring pop?

“All irony aside,” Dave had started. Oh my god. He felt his face completely flush, people were staring, they were laughing, and some had their phones out recording. Oh my god. “Karkat Vantas, the owner of the most glorious of the Vantasses,” now he was self conscious of his ass GREAT. When the fuck did Dave even get a chance to-he wears shades how the fuck would he know GOD DAMN IT. “will you do me the honor of becoming my kick ass groom? Or bride. Whatever floats your boat.” Karkat buried his face in his hands, cursing under his breath and hiding his red face.

“Hell no.” he said. However, the spoken words were muffled. Dave smirked, taking Karkat’s left hand and sliding the ring onto his ring finger.

“Shit man you just made me the happiest man in the world.”

“I SAID NO!” Karkat hissed, yanking his hand back and trying to rip the ring off. Okay, it was stuck.

“No no, I can see past your denial. The blush on your cheeks, the desire in your eyes, you want me Kitkat.” the Strider took his hand. “Now we can get back to make our family of Dicks, aye?” great now he was hugging him.

“FUCK YOU!” Karkat screamed, writhing in pain.

“Mr. Vantas, watch your language and sit down, Mr. Strider, release him and sit as well.” Karkat was soon released, he flipped Dave off and sat down in his desk, groaning as Dave sat next to him. He turned to look to the teacher. Ms. Maryam. Why was the councilor looking over them? Eh, probably because he’s there, and she knows how to deal with him. He groaned, looking over the ring pop. Why the fuck did it have to be his favorite flavor...He laid on the desk, fiddling with the ring and sighing in annoyance. He pulled out his phone. Derek was probably busy but..he typed out a quick message, soon looking it over then deleting it. Nah. Nevermind. Wait why is there a note on his desk? He looked to the note, glaring to Dave who gave him a small wave. He groaned, opening the note. It literally just said ‘ _sup_ ’. He crumbled the note, lightly tossing it to Dave’s head.

Then another note. He unfolded it as well, looking it over curiously.

‘ _Let me ring pop your cherry.’_ Okay hell no. He crumbled up the paper, tossing it _roughly_  at Dave’s head. His face was flushed once again, growling as he buried his face in his hands. This was so dumb. Right, he was going to bug Derek, fuck it.

 

CG: Derek

CG: Derek

CG: DEREK

CG: HEY YOU BITCH PAY A-FUCKING-TTENTION TO ME

CG: I SWEAR TO GOD I’M GOING TO FUCKING SPAM YOU UNTIL YOU PAY ATTENTION TO ME.

CG: YOU FUCKING BITCH

CG: I NEED TO COMPLAIN

CG: STOP IGNORING ME

CG: I SWEAR TO GOD I’M GOING TO FUCKING THROW YOU OUT A GOD DAMNED WINDOW

CG: IF YOU DON’T FUCKING

CG: PAY ATTENTION TO ME

 

The whole time of Karkat blowing up Derek’s notifications, Dave’s phone proceeded to fucking vibrate nonstop. And he was _ignoring it_ the whole fucking time. God that vibrating was getting annoying…

 

CG: DEREK

CG: DEREK YOU MOTHER FUCKER

CG: LISTEN ALREADY OH MY GOD.

 

Okay he was so done with that vibrating, throwing his hands up in frustration and turning to Dave, clearly pissed. “OKAY I SWEAR TO HATEFUCK, EITHER PUT YOUR GOD DAMNED PHONE ON FUCKING SILENT OR ANSWER WHO EVER THE FUCKING ASSHOLE IS WHO’S TRYING TO GET YOUR FUCKING ATTENTION.” Dave looked to him, sighed and took out his phone, starting to type on his screen. Great, finally some peace. Oh, Derek responded.

 

TG: so this cute dude just yelled at me because you kept blowing up my phone

 

Oh. Well. That totally didn’t fucking hurt. He felt his chest ache. He frowned, slumping in his seat as he looked over the message. A hopeless endeavor. But..If he didn’t act fast..someone else would take him. And..he really didn’t want that.

 

CG: Okay…

TG: so whats up

TG: you wanna complain?

CG: Yeah, I was uh

CG: Going to complain about Dave’s ‘proposal’ but uh

CG: I kinda

CG: Lost the urge.

TG: aw shit

TG: whats wrong what happened

CG: I

CG: I want to meet you.

TG: wait

TG: what

TG: uh

CG: Can we not meet?

TG: i mean

TG: technically

TG: we can

TG: shit man

TG: why not

TG: im free after school tomorrow

TG: today i got shit to do but

TG: tomorrow im good

TG: so

TG: we should totally meet

TG: yeah

TG: should be fun

TG: we could meet by the fountain at the mall

TG: i dunno

TG: go on a date or some shit

 

The pain turned into a slight flutter. He felt a smile creep onto his lips. Oh god. _A date with Derek?_ This was too good. He released a small chuckle, kicking his legs lightly on the seat.

 

CG: I’m holding you to that.

CG: I’m just

CG: Oh god

CG: I’m really happy now

CG: I can’t fucking wait

CG: I’m so excited.

TG: hell yeah

TG: dress nice too

TG: ill wear a hot ass suit

TG: just you wait

CG: God, alright you god damned dork.

CG: I’m going to fucking eat this ring pop now

CG: Dave proposed with my favorite flavor

CG: And didn’t even listen when I said no

CG: But

CG: It’s my favorite fucking flavor so

CG: I have no choice.

TG: pff

TG: have fun babe

 

_Oh my god._

 

CG: Did…

CG: Did you just call me babe?

TG: what

TG: no

TG: uh

TG: bye

CG: Bye???

 

**_OH MY G O D._ **

 

He and Dave both slammed their heads into their desks at the same time. He brought his hands up, running them through his hair as he silently cursed under his breath, his face flushed. Shit his phone vibrated. He looked up, seeing one last message.

 

TG: <3

 

This bastard…

 

CG: <3

 

Why did he have to like him so much…

 

* * *

 

 

TG: guys what do i do karkat asked derek aka me out

TG: hes going to fucking see dave

TG: aka me

TG: and scream

TT: Oh? So Derek AKA Dave AKA You AKA Derek,

TT: Now has to tell Karkat the truth?

TT: And possibly ruin any trust and love he has towards you?

TG: rose that isnt helping

GA: Perhaps You Can

GA: Ease Him Into It?

GA: What Exactly Will Be Happening?

TG: um

TG: so karkat asked to meet me

TG: i said yes

TG: and that we could after school tomorrow

TG: like meet at the fountain in the mall

TG: and i told him to dress nice

TG: and id wear a sick suit

TG: im taking it to the dry cleaners right now

TG: im probably going to like

TG: buy a bunch of plushies and flowers

TG: and spoil him

TG: so it can make him like me more

TG: and ease him into hearing the news?

TT: Will you be proposing again?

TG: oh shit

TG: maybe i should

GA: Karkat Is 17.

GA: He Doesn't Need To Get Married Anytime Soon.

TG: yeah well im 18

TG: and i really like him

TG: okay

TG: ill probably save proposal for another time

TG: knowing him

TG: hes probably going to ignore me for a few days

TG: then message me out of nowhere

TG: all cute and embarrassed something like

TG: ‘i miss you’

TG: or something

TT: Save the proposal for another year. It’s far too early now.

TG: oh god

TG: right

TG: right okay

TG: ill be back later

TG: rose save me dinner

TT: Of course.

 

Why was Dave Strider doing any of this, one might ask? Well, the original situation was innocent, honest. It started four lovely months ago when Mr. Strider here was attacked in cold blood by the loathsome Mr. Vantas. He overheard Ms. Maryam say the name on the phone and thought it was odd but cute. And the second he made the nickname all hell broke loose, and he was on the floor, Karkat on top of him and trying to strangle him. That was their first encounter. Dave spoke to Rose about it when he got home that day. The one who attacked him was apparently Rose’s girlfriend’s best friend, Karkat Vantas. Rose invited him to their group chat that night, where Karkat had been yapping about the situation, cursing the name ‘Dave’ with his heart and soul. When he asked who ‘the new shit stain is’, Rose quickly took control of the situation and said,

 

TT: This is my brother, Derek Lalonde.

 

Which is really what started this whole mess, so he can’t be blamed. It’s Rose’s fault, blame her. They made the second group chat after Karkat’s one month suspension. He remembered the conversation in so clearly, the time he first said that,

 

TG: karkats my bro, i dont wanna fucking hurt him yknow

 

Soon evolved into something he confessed two months into knowing the small Vantas. It was late at night, and after hours of talking  bullshit with Karkat in their private chat, he had to vent to the second group, saying,

 

TG: oh my god i dont think hes just my bro anymore

TG: like

TG: i think i like him

TG: fuck

 

And after that he lost the heart to even tell Karkat the truth. He knew he had to, but flirting with him and dropping obvious hints in real life clearly wasn’t doing shit to that dense ass motherfucker. Everything went over his head. And yes that was a short joke.

He flirted online and offline, be they gaming together or be they literally sitting right next to each other. Online there were the few times Karkat flirted back which _he loved,_ then there were the times offline where Karkat kept telling him to go shove his shades down his dick hole, which he didn’t love as much.

And now it was the moment of truth. He was probably late considering how much his phone was blowing up as he was calming his panic attack earlier. But that was fine. He spent the previous day getting his suit dry cleaned, buying a giant stuffed dog and flowers just to hopefully make the Vantas smile. And now gathering everything together so it could all be perfect..and for the Vantas to not hate him..god he could feel his heart start to race with worry.

He wore his nice suit pants, converses, a red dress shirt and black suit vest. He had his bowtie set nicely, and peered around the corner. Fountain..there it was..Karkat..shit there he was. The Mexican sat, patiently waiting, twiddling his thumbs. Black slacks and...of course. A sweater. Even if he’s told to dress nice, he’ll wear a sweater. Right..let’s do this.

 

* * *

 

Why the fuck was Dave sitting next to him? He was growling off on his side of the bench, as Dave held a stuffed dog and a bouquet. The second Dave showed his face he wanted to scream. He demanded why Dave was there, and he simply responded with a ‘waiting for someone.’ Probably a date considering the suit and the flowers. And stuffed dog. Whatever. Ten minutes had gone by. Then twenty. And eventually, that rolled into an hour. Dave sat there patiently the whole time. Meanwhile, Karkat was barely holding back his tears. He felt..betrayed. He was looking forward to this and..Derek just fucking stood him up. He gave a sharp inhale, bringing himself to his feet. He began to walk forward, and the second he walked passed Dave, he felt his wrist get grabbed and tugged. He stopped, glaring down to the Strider.

“What the fuck do you-”

“You know, you’re really dense, _CG._ ” He felt his heart stop, looking Dave over with suspicion and a raised brow.

“The fuck did you just say?” he felt his heart start to race, his chest start to ache. This really couldn’t be happening. Was he actually fucking catfished by _Dave fucking Strider?_

“carcinoGeneticist, Karkat Vantas, one in the same. Just like how _Derek Lalonde_ , turntechGodhead and Dave Strider are all one in the same.” he shrugged nonchalantly. Karkat bit his lip, yanking his hand back.

“Oh my fucking god..” he mumbled, feeling the tears start to drip down. “Fucking..amazing..” he barked, yanking his hand back and glaring down at the Strider. “Of course it’s fucking you.” he stepped away, quickly marching off as far from the lying bastard as he could be. He could hear the running coming from behind as he heard things drop to the ground below. Probably the dog and bouqu-WHY WAS HE BEING PICKED UP HELL NO. “DAVE YOU LYING PIECE OF SHIT LET ME FUCKING GO SET ME BACK ON THE GROUND THIS FUCKIN INSTANT!” Karkat barked, writhing in his grasp as he was picked up in a stupidly strong bear hug.

“NOPE, you’re going to fucking listen to what I have to say, then you’re going to fall in love with me just as much as you did Derek because believe me, it might have been a fake ass name but it was NOT fake ass feelings.” Dave bitched, obviously getting irritated at this point. He set Karkat back down on the bench, and went back to retrieve the large plush dog and bouquet. He shoved the two object on either of Karkat’s side, and inhaled. He crossed his arms, looking over the shorter man and soon exhaled.

“My name is Dave Strider, we first met four months ago when you tried to strangle me. Later that day, Rose invited me to a group chat and it was hella awkward when I saw all you were doing was complaining about me. To save me from complete and utter shame, Rose gave me a fake name and, I didn’t have the heart to tell you the next day.” He approached him, placing a hand on Karkat’s cheek and gently stroking it. “Then..we started talking..and fucking hell..two months in fuck man. I actually started liking you, it made telling you even worse. Now it’s been another two months, I’ve been flirting with you as Derek and Dave, Dave you pushed away, Derek you were ready for. Just, fucking… give me a chance...” Dave was nearly begging at this point. “All I want is for you to accept Derek and Dave as one, and just..give _me_ a chance.”

 

* * *

 

How long has it been since Karkat decided to ignore the groupchat, turn off all notifications, and stop going to school? Okay it’s been like two days shut up. He sat like a lump in his beanbag, controller in hand as he made his way around Skyhold after punching Solas in the face. Little bitch deserved it. Plus it was hilarious when his head whipped back. He hadn’t checked his messages and, he wasn’t sure if it was even a good idea. He felt hurt and betrayed, yet another part felt happy? It was… it was just a mess of emotions. He just needed to be alone more than anything. Being stuck in a senseless loop of ‘I like Derek, I hate Dave, Derek doesn’t even fucking exist and Dave likes me what the fuck???’ wasn’t really that good on the mind.

It stressed him out far more than he needed to be stressed but, he was slowly coming to terms with it. Just..maybe if he had a bit more time to relax, let himself loose (in the game) He could finally… well… accept it. And give Dave a chance. It was about… he picked up his phone, checking the time. 4 AM. He could play for a few more hours. Tomorrow was Saturday after all, what did it matter. Play for a few more hours he did, until he passed out at almost 11 AM, controller in hand and Iron Bull waiting for a response.

He didn’t wake whenever his name was called, he didn’t wake whenever his bedroom door was open. Not when the scoff was heard and his cheek was poked. Not when his body was picked up, not when he was set on the bed and covered in a blanket, not when the sounds of annoyed grunt and tangents came to his ears, but he DID, however, open his eyes, and peer at the screen and person playing when the sound of the ‘Your journey ends’ frame came up, alongside the dramatic game over music. _Who was playing his game and why did they fucking kill his character?_

He sat up in the bed immediately, eyes squinted and glaring directly to the blonde who sat comfortably in his beanbag. Of course it was fucking Dave. He saw him reload his save, going iNTO A FUCKING DRAGON LAIR WHAT THE FUCK? He ran into a dragon lair and was almost instantly slaughtered. Wait..what even was that party? _Everyone was melee?_ And he’s dead again. And he’s running back in and-oh no the dragonlings are at the exit. Okay, Blackwall is down. Fucking lovely.

“Dave you do realize you’re playing it wrong, right?” he hissed. Dave showed no reaction, mindlessly button spamming as he continued playing.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kitkat. I’m having a great time.”

“I just watched you die three times in a row, also your party is complete shit why is everyone melee? And WHY DOES IRON BULL HAVE A SHORT SWORD AND THE GOD DAMNED CHEESE SHIELD?” Karkat hissed, hopping off his legs and sitting down next to Dave after forcing him to scooch over.

“Because swords are cool.” he answered. And he’s dead again. Karkat groaned, yanking the controller away.

“Shut the fuck up, let me show you how to play.” he hissed. He took the character back to the inquisition camp, cursing Dave the whole time. While he was distracted by changing up the party alongside the armor/weapon adjusting, he didn’t even notice when Dave had picked him up from under the arms and set him in his between his legs, Dave soon wrapping his arms around Karkat’s chest and resting his chin on his head. Alright...a group with Bull..Solas with the healing..Dorian with the offensive magic, and a warrior inquisitor. Okay okay, he could work with this. “Alright Dave, now fucking pa-...when the fuck did you move me?” he asked, writhing in Dave’s grasp and wanting to be released.

“While you were fucking around with Julius Pringles.” Dave answered, not even moving an inch with Karkat’s struggling.

“Who the fuck is Julius Pringles?!” Karkat barked, putting a hand on Dave’s chin and trying to push him away.

“That guy with the mustache and wand.”

“OH MY GOD THAT’S A STAFF AND HIS NAME IS DORIAN.”

“Are you sure, that looks like some straight up Harry Potter shit.”

“I’M FUCKING POSITIVE, NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME PLAY.” there was complete and utter silence after that, save for Karkat’s intense button mashing action. Dave was playing with his hair with one hand, and his other hand wrapped around Karkat’s chest. The Vantas could feel his own heart pounding, but he was still aware enough of his surroundings to know that Dave’s heart was pounding just as bad as his own. It wasn’t long until Karkat had slain the dragon, smirking triumphantly as he gathered his earnings from the dragon’s corpse.

“There you go, Strider. That’s how you kill a god damned dragon.” Karkat huffed, leaning forward and looking to Dave with a sly grin. Dave gave him a small smile, ruffling his hair and dropping his hands.

“Yo can I uh..Shit this is awkward...um..” Karkat raised a brow, shoulders slumping as he patiently waited for Dave to finish.

“Can you what?” he had a slight hint to what this was getting at, and..well, needless to say the Vantas was blushing like a god damned anime school girl.

“Okay first off-are we like..still married or did you completely and utterly divorce me in your two days of absence?” he asked, raising a brow and..he clenched his fists. He definitely took note of that. Karkat sighed, leaning back onto Dave. He didn’t really have much choice at this point. Dave leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Karkat’s chest again and resting his face on the smaller male’s back.

“Well, first off, I denied your proposal, you just played it off like I said yes. And secondly… I… I’m still adjusting to the idea that you and Derek are one in the same. Like, I understand your reasoning for not telling me, but, I can’t help the fact I feel like I was lied to. Like..ugh..I’m fine with uh… being… being… your uh… _boyfriend_ if uh… if we take it slow, you get me?” he felt Dave nod against his back, squeezing tightly.

“So you won’t be my husband but you’ll be my boyfriend?”

“Pretty much.”

“Be my boyfriend.”

“Alright.”

“Can I face battle you?” Karkat couldn’t help but scoff, putting a hand over his mouth as his shoulders bounced lightly. Dave moved his head, resting just his chin on Karkat’s bouncing shoulder. “Is that a yes or a no? Or is a face battle moving too fast?” Karkat exhaled, turning his body slightly to face Dave.

“Go for it.” Karkat said, giving a small smile. He swear to god he saw Dave sweating. The confidence in the blonde completely fucking _gone._ His hands were shaky and he could feel his pounding heart. “Okay, clearly you’re not ready for a full fledged fucking face battle.” Karkat chuckled. The smaller male leaned forward, pressing his lips against the pale cheek. Well, that’s what he was going for until Dave turned his face. When he was this close, he could see the eyes behind the shades. The eyes that had lost their cool, that were widened with worry as their lips met. Oh the poor thing. Dave pulled back first, clearly having a hard time hiding the red from his pale ass skin. The smaller male snickered, placing a small peck on Dave’s nose and turning back, cuddling into Dave’s chest. “Alright now shut the fuck up and let me play, babe.”

 

~End~


End file.
